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like i’m a piece of trash


he’s being grumpy af


today he started with 0 , then increased to 10 at lunch. not bad!

maybe this shows that good sleep and good talk with each other really helps ^^

i should also adjust my expectation, in the past he is always positive, and got around 30 mood points in average.

starting from this year it is average 10, but still mostly above 0

yesterday was a huge dip to -100, but today he is back to 10

i guess i should just focus on bring him back up above 0

one day at a time


okay now he’s back to -10, a long bouncing back from -100

he said he didn’t know why he’s down, but i vaguely felt some pattern, will note down speculations here:

  • bad sleep. when sleep late and have to be up early, he would be extra down
  • bad getting up routine, if it is like my alarm goes off — snooze — goes off multiple times, he’d be extra down
  • need to spend more quality time together, and if not possible, need to tell him my plan beforehand, while his mood was still high enough to sustain the news
  • pass time passively is no good, need to let him do things proactively

so i think viniamator is definitely having depression, and he wouldn’t ask for professional help. He utterly refuse that, don’t even want to take a online self-assessment.

log of behaviours:

  • he said he’s a piece of shit, although any outsider would classify him as a high-achiever
  • mentioned death a couple of times, although the topic is totally irrelevant. i chased it up everytime and he would say it is just a thought.
  • it has become more frequent than before that he drank whiskey or wine to feel better. very small portions, but he didn’t really do that before.
  • slow motion…

Live and record

Life transformed to poem


Deciduous Vegetation

Sycophants of Earth


That shopwore dress

Finally got shoplifted

He knew his autere mom

He wished when

She jumped off the gangway to the otherside

She would be wearing that gaudy thing

She always wanted to wear


Think, all questions

Do, all questions answered


people say they work 20 hours a day

they are up all night getting things done

what are they doing really?

such myth

Polovina

Writer

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